Warm This Frozen Heart
by SilverRoseKeeper
Summary: Toshiro's nights have been filled with visions and memories of another life. And he remembers it all now. But the question is, can he ever get it back? ToshiroXOC rated T just in case.
1. moon phase 1

Title: **Warm This Frozen Heart  
**Author: **SilverRoseKeeper **

Summary: After so many sleepless nights and visions of another life Hitsugaya Toshiro, the boy genius turned captain, has finally remembered it all. Should he confront the people of his old life, or just let them slip back out of his memory and leave them be? His heart is shruggling on the inside, but his calm demeanor gives no hints to those who look but never see. Will he become lost within himself, or finally seek the peace he's long lost? 

**Notes:** Toshiro paired up with my newest OC! o _spoilers are unavoidable_ (idk what eppy it's up to yet so, gomen). also i will be using some japanese in this fanfic, if there are any q's, ask and i will gladly put up more notes! and unfortunatly Tite Kubo has not put his characters up for adoption, so therefor i own none of these characters, besides my own OC. -sniff- kanashi desu...

**_Moon Phase 1_**

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Though the world is faced with many unimaginable wonders (some of which should never be questioned), the biggest of all remains hidden from its view until the very end. And within this hidden world known as the Soul Society, in the very center of it all, lies the ever powerful Seireitei. This fortress of sorts houses the workers of both these worlds. These workers are the ones going to and from the real world and the ghost one to guide spirits as well as defend against the unseen evils whose hearts have grown fowl.

These virtuous warriors are known as shinigami, they are the death dealers. All they ever see is death, and with such darkness shrouding their purpose they must find another reason for their work if they wish to stay sane. In order to continue on with all the death that each shinigami must witness, it is only natural that they must seek another more convincing and powerful reason to continue on this path. As how they were when they were alive, each to their own, for everyone has a different source of motivation that compels them to do what they do. But in order for that cause to work, the shinigami must be completely convinced and committed to it, for why else would anyone live this kind of life if there was no reason?

-------------------------

As of now there was a dead sort of silence that hung over the realm of the Seireitei, not one that would let pass any noise that dared pierce it but instead a silence that would swallow up any kind of sound so as to maintain the lasting stillness throughout the night. As such no one could hear the exasperated cries and muffled words coming from the usually forgotten boy genius, Captain Hitsugaya Toshiro.

He had been writhing in his sleep the entire night as visions of a past life filled his mind and touched all of his senses. As he curled in on himself then stretched out his tense limbs only to have them shake more his futon became pointless for he had strayed from its place on the ground. This left him victim to the chill running through his darkened room, but even so the cool wind did nothing to stop the sweat that had begun to form above his brow which kept his snow white locks stuck to his forehead.

His words were caught within his throat as he tried to respond to the faces he saw, the screams that he heard, and the trembling he swore he could feel. But by himself in his screened off room and tatami matted floor, he was all alone. He hugged himself again as he laid on his side barely touching the rice paper door separating him from the new moon night.

His body began to shake even more now and he flinched to the right so hard that he laid once again on his back, and this time his shouts began to sound more like actual words, more like pleas. And as the cloud that had been holding back the light of the moon in the dark sky passed the white crescents shine hit the young captains' face. His eyes shot open while his body lurched forward and his screams finally pierced the silence.

Nothing moved for the next minute, it was like the shock of his emerald blue eyes could even freeze time. His panting was the first thing to prove this idea wrong. Then when his hands shot up, one to grab his chest and the other to soothe his head, he regretted not having the power to make time stand still. He had wished for that ability many times, but then he would realize that no one should have a power like that.

After a couple more breathes he moved the hand from his head to the screen he had been laying against and threw it to the side quickly, almost completely tearing it down.

His eyes were fixed on the small sliver of a moon as he continued to hold his chest to stop his heart from racing, but even so, seeing that curve of light in the sky made it pound twice as hard then when he was dreaming. And now, he knew why. For he remembered all of it, it had finally fully reached him in his unconsciousness. He could clearly recall everything, even her face.

He had been trying to hold back the water in his eyes, trying to freeze it from falling, but it managed to snake down his cheek as he whispered only one word, "Tsukiyo."

_**TBC...**_

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**ending notes: **wow, not bad. i hope i still have SOME peoples attention. i haven't written very much fanfic and i would really appreciate feedback! so comment! i even accept flames! 

but this was actually an oc i made up and came up with an almost complete fanfic idea in one night! so i really wanna see it through. also i want to try to add more action to it, so mesa gonna try! wish me luck!! **XD**


	2. moon phase 2

Title:** Warm This Frozen Heart  
**Author: **SilverRoseKeeper**

**i do not own any of the bleach characters unfortuatly. aww, damn. DX**

**Notes:** Imoptant points i need to make up here are that **1)** I will continue to use both the english and japanese words for captain and lieutenant, so mesa sorry if anyone gets confuzzled.** 2)** There are some things about the soul society and dying that i don't get completely (like memories and how old/young spirits are and what happens if you die in soul society!!), so imma doing the best i can, if it's not exactly according to the series, well, gomen! **3)** Hitsugaya Toshiro's age, okay, seeing as how i'm paring him with someone it's gonna be much easier if he's of high schooler age in the present time, as of right now in the story i'm pegging him as a 7th grader (idk if that's right or wrong, just stating!)

**Font Guide (just in case it gets kind confusing):**

in normal narration - "normal speech" , _normal thinking_

_in flashback narration - "flashback speech" , _flashback thinking

**_Moon Phase 2_**_

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_

Very unlike the nights that pass within the Seireitei, days were always filled with fighting and rushing shinigamis.

There were two types of characters that a shinigami could be placed under, the free spirited and the on task. And of course the group with the most membership would be the free spirited slackers who did things on their own time, held battles over sake, fought for fun, and/or left mountains of paperwork untouched so that they could take a "much needed" break to go shopping. And because of the negligence of those lazy bums the few, quiet skinigami that actually did their work must be the ones to balance things out. An example would be Kuchiki Byakuya, the silent, unemotional, dull captain, was always in the back making up for his load-mouthed, obnoxious, red-headed lieutenant.

And unfortunately for the young, white haired, captain Hitsugaya, he was the only one eligible for that responsible role.

He had been in his office of the tenth squads' quarters signing off papers and writing reports for himself and his lieutenant ever since the sun had officially risen. It's not that he minded working at such an early time, he actually liked the late night to the very beginning of morning; that's when it was the quietest and most peaceful. But the thing that did piss him off was the fact that even though he had been working from dawn to noon, and even though his so called fukutaicho **(4)** , Matsumoto Ranjiku, had fled to go take a nap and he was stuck with her papers as well, he had barely put a dent in the tower of papers that had been piled on his desk this morning topped with a god awful sticky note.

The eye-sore of a yellow paper read:

_Shiro-chan!__  
__I__'m out, please take__ care __of these!  
__-__Ranjiku __  
__P.S. I'm doing something important. Really!_

And the note was finished off with a girly smiley face, _Like that makes things more cheery_ Toshiro had thought sarcastically to himself as he rolled his eyes when he had read it.

After halving the mountain of paperwork so that it now resembled more of a hill, he decided it was time for a break. Well it was more of a "sigh in disgust and let head fall to desk" kind of action.

He kept his throbbing head against the cool surface of his desk as his sore hands tried to soothe the raging muscles of each other. Realizing that the twinge wouldn't stop for a while and that it was pointless to bring the feeling back if he was just going to attack them again with yet another flood of papers, he gave up and brought his arms up to cradle his head on the desk.

He sighed loudly, which led to him closing his eyes. Because of this lack of sight his other sense sharpened out of habit.

He could feel the suns' warmth beaming through the window to his left which began to warm the back of his head. He could hear the birds singing here and there, calling out and receiving answers. Underneath his feet he felt soft vibrations of nothing in particular, but he liked to think that it was proof that the world was turning and that all of life was continuing per the norm.

He sighed again and pressed his eyelids closed with as much force as he could which in turn wrinkled his forehead and gave a grimace to his expression. Even though he'd been trying to occupy his mind with so many things; counting stars, enhancing his senses, going on autopilot when writing his work, even trying to talk sociably with the few squad members around, he could not push thoughts of the night before out of his mind. Ever since he found her face in his mind, she had yet to leave his thoughts.

He felt angered and guilty, which was not a mixture that could be easily understood. One second his mouth contorted in a scowl, the next his entire face softened and his eyes began to sting. He had no idea which state he was supposed to be in, was there even a right emotion? Maybe he was just angry at himself. It was all his fault.

For how could he forget her?

How could he leave behind all memory of Tsukiyo, the only person, the only happiness, he had in his entire life as a human?

_**--Flashback**__**--** _

_School had ended and young Toshiro was heading home from a full day of middle school. But he had been running kind of late, seeing as how he had fallen asleep in math again and the teacher demanded he stay behind and clean the entire classroom himself. _

_He scowled and clenched his fist as he remembered the snickers and whispers being sounded throughout the classroom coming from his peers as hi__s punishment was issued to him. __They hadn't even tried to hide their stinging words as they passed by his desk. __But seeing as how it was over and that he really didn't care about his classmates in the slightest, he shrugged it off and let out a breath as a way of letting go __of __his anger._

_If all they wanted to do was exclude and make fun of him for looking odd (his white hair and aqua green eyes __were __the most usual targets), then he'll just deny their existence from his mind completely. Though it did no one any good, it __still __left Toshiro in a quiet, peaceful, and very lonely place. Which was fine for him, he__ had__ grown accustomed to being alone and then learn__ed__ to like being alone. It was just a fact of his life._

_And another fact of his life __was__ the bullying he's had to put up with from day one of school. _

_He could hear the loud, clomping steps of boys approaching up to him from behind. They were familiar, but this time they were running to him. _

Heh, looks like they can't wait to get their punch in. I guess they got antsy because I had to stay after,_ he thought to himself with a sad but hardened grin on his face, for he knew the drill and he had accepted it. _

_And because he had faced his reality__ he sighed to himself __and__ stopped his walking. That was when he heard the chuckling of the boys still rushing his way, so Toshiro spun on his heels to face his fate. His head was down but his fists clenched tighter into the straps of his backpack, for he knew the first hit always hurt the worst and he should be ready for it. _

_There were only two bullies that were coming up to him, each of them __were continuing to laugh under their evil little smirks. Toshiro stayed braced as the boys reached within two feet of him, but they continued running, and then ran __right __past him__, one from each of his sides. Even though his head was still down, h__e knew __that __they__ had__ past him because the wind they brought behind them swept past him as well, and because after the three seconds on wide-eyed shock he spun agai__n with his mouth falling agape. _

_The two delinquents must have predicted the white haired boys reaction for the looked back to him and yelled, __"No__t__ today Shiro-chan, you took too long! We got someone else to get to know!" __After informing him they laughed out loud and continued forward, leaving Toshiro behind in th__e__ir__ dust and completely untouched._

_Toshiro could not grasp for words, let alone he had no idea what to think in the minutes it took for the bullies he continued to watch run farther away from him __until they __disappear__ed__ around the corner of a building._

_But he eventually shook off the surprised expression he had held __and inwardly smiled to himself._

_"I'm free", he said out loud._

_One days__'__ absence of beatings shouldn't mean much, __but Toshiro believed __it was actually quite the contrary. For humans are known for their nature, and once something changes, it tends to have the ripple effect on everything else, meaning that it's reasonably possible for them to leave him alone tomorrow as well._

_He felt a bubble explode in his stomach that began to send tingling sparks throughout him. His mouth turned into a kind of half smile as he looked at his hand for even his fingers were tingling. _

I guess this is a happy feeling, _Toshiro concluded in his thoughts, for he had never truly felt this feeling before, but that's how it__'s__ always described in books. Although, there was something off about it, kind of like there was __something __more__ or that __it was actually __something else__; that it wasn't joy at all__ But he didn't know what._

_"Ahh," he exclaimed in frustration as he rubbed his temples. After sighing once again, he hoisted his pack up higher on his back and walked away. _

Maybe I'll go to that ice cream shop close by. I do have some extra time before I need to be home, _he planned in his head. And so he started off towards his favorite ice cream parlor. He had ordered his favorite ice cream too, chocolate chip cookie dough, for what kind of kid turned down cookie dough? _

_From there he began just walking __around __randomly, not knowing where he was going, but his feet must've known for he ended up in the middle of a bridge looking over the rail at the sunsets rays reflecting off of the river.__ He continue__d__ to lick __at __his dairy treat and bite off the mounds of cookie dough as he leaned against the metal railing. _

_The noises of whizzing cars going back and forth behind him dulled as his entire being watched the suns glory. Deep within his consciousness he found it ironic at how a person whose features that scream of winter (the fluffy, gravity defying hair and his ice blue eyes) could be so intrigued by the very image of summer, the sun itself. The burning ball of flames time was ending for the day though, Toshiro watched as it fell off the horizon __in a way that made it seem__ like it was __being consumed by the river itself._

_But he had been taken aback by__ the colors that__ filled the sky right above the __sun;__ there was no __gold or pink, but instead a deep, horrific__ red. This sent a shiver down his spine__ as well as making his eyebrows furrow together in a look of worry._

But, what am I worried about? _he questioned himself, _Maybe I'm just prying for answers that aren't really there. Not everything has a deeper meaning, _he continued to explain in his thoughts. _

_"There is beauty in this __world __that is not always necessary nor is it important. Why can't there be tragedies and evil on this earth as well that hold no real reason?" he asked out loud as he explained his idea. _

_"Nothing says that there can't be." And with that he__ popped the rest of the ice cream cone into his mouth and then__ pushed of__f of the rail of the bridge, __beginning__ his return home and__ completely dismissing the terrible feelings that had passed through him because of the sky's __crimson __color._

_The next morning went as according to routine: wake up, shower, breakfast, out the door and sit in classroom. And he was of course early, just like any other day for that was just a part of his characteristics. But today Toshiro was anxious, he wanted to know if yesterday was just a fluke or if things had really changed; would he be targeted again? _

6:58, _he thought to himself as his aqua eyes glanced down at his wrist watch, _only two more minutes and I'll know for sure.

_But it only took half__ that time for the most popular kid, and__ the cruelest of all of the vermin, to walk through__ the front door. He was a jock, or as everyone else deemed him "the soccer god", __he was the ring leader of everything shady. H__e was always surrounded by a ring of kids that adored him. Those mindless followers would do anything for him, and they did anything he did. Browsing through the idiots that stuck by his side he recognized the two boys that had passed him yesterday that __had __ignited a spark of hope, one that sang of freedom. The crowd rang with laughter because of something that Toshiro was unaware of for he had been too lost within his own mind. The orchestrator of it all started towards his desk and so followed his posse. Each and every one of them passed his desk to get to __their__ own;__ one__ of the girls even bumped into him accidentally __and had actually excused herself as she passed by._

_That was it! The test, it was successful! All of them, all of his nightmare-causing bullies had walked by him and left him alone, and the girl even acted civilized __towards__ him. The realization washed over Toshiro and warmed him instantaneously, so quick in fact that he hadn't yet realized that he was outwardly smiling._

_The rest of the day went by in a flash, he had of course taken control of the smile that had been plastered on his face; he still had a thing about showing emotions and being in control of what he shares with others. But inside he was happy, he knew it really wasn't that big of a deal but it just felt so good. Like he had been pressed down by this heavy weight for so long and now it had been lifted, he felt like he could fly. _

_And as he got up and left his class __for __the final bell had rung, he decided to not go home just yet. He wanted to go exploring somewhere, maybe even meet some people and hopefully make friends. This was a turning point for him. _

From here on, I'm living a new life. Everything has changed, _he silently decided as a corner of his mouth turned up. _

_He walked past the gate to his school and kept going forward, towards the river. That was when a group of four riled up boys, his ex-bullies__ he gathered as he studied their backs, past him in a quick blur. Toshiro was curious about where they were going in such a hurry, but decided to shrug it off because it wasn't his problem anymore. So he wandered back on his path to the river. _

Wait, weren't they headed in this direction too? Oh, who cares? I'll just sneak by them,_ h__e resolved in his thoughts._

_He quickly ran across the street for he had bypassed the crosswalk, and then started down the steep ledge of earth after walking off the sidewalk. The water was in sight and he could hear soft, peaceful sounds emitting from the ever-moving river. The dull echoes of splashing were too soon interrupted by a roar of laughter coming from his right in the shadows of a bridge__, the same place those four boys were headed towards_

_He couldn't see what was happening for it was veiled in darkness, but he knew that cackle. It was the same one that had haunted him in his sleep for so long,__ he recognized that group as__ the same group that had taken great entertainment from his__ beatings. _

_He knew he shouldn't have gotten involved, he should have just turned a blind eye, a deaf ear, and a locked heart, but he couldn't. _

_He crept closer even though he could be easily spotted__ at anytime. O__nce he was but ten feet from the howling posse he heard another noise, something much quieter and desperate. He heard crying and strangled gasps coming from the girl in the center of them all. She was on her knees__ but that didn't prove to be problem for the one pounding her stomach __i__n, for two of the boys had linked their arms with hers and were keeping her from falling down. Both of her arms dangled limp from her elbows down, her head faced the ground and her__ long, dark hair covered her face as it hung __outstretched to the earth. __Toshiro stood frozen in shock._

Wh-what?! I thought-wait, what? _he questioned loudly in his thoughts. _

No. No, that's right. _he told himself trying to calm his tense body._

I just automatically thought they would stop, but that's not possible. They even told me they found someone new, because of me. Oh my god! _Toshiro's eyes bulged in realization. _

It's because of me that they targeted someone else! It's because of me this girl is in dire pain now, she's being beaten right in front of me because I thought I had it bad! This isn't right, this isn't fair! I was fine the way I was, I could've handled it. But this girl, she looks like she's about to pass out! _he started to panic as he studied her condition. _

_Then the unknown girl gasped loudly and started a coughing fit that had been brought on by the last blow which had even caused her to __hurl up blood. She began to fall forward as if collapsing to the earth but the two boys holding her up jerked her back and grabbed her by her hair so her face was exposed to their leader for yet another round of punches. _

_Toshiro's face widened in panic and fear, then clenched together in anger and rage as he closed his fists tightly. _

_Letting his pack drop to the worn dirt he silently ran straight into the group that had been circled around the girl, he bypassed all __of __the spectators __and went directly to the leader, swinging__ his fist as hard as he could at the amused bully's face. It connected right on and it more than shook him for he had been preoccupied and hadn't noticed the approaching white headed, fuming boy. _

_Everyone had silenced and all eyes but the beaten girls' were on him. He was panting in anger__, his teeth were clenched. H__is own eyes, even though they had always resembled ice and snow, right now the frozen leader saw pure wrath; he saw a raging fire just waiting to hit him. _

_But after the few seconds it took to shake off the momentarily fright he had felt, he smirked and looked down at the shorter Toshiro as he placed a hand on his shoulder and simply asked, "Aww, poor Shiro-chan. Didja miss us that much?"_ _Him and his followers all howled with laughter, some even curling__ in on themselves for it was that__ funny to them. _

_Too bad for the jock, because he had contorted his face with laughter so greatly he never saw the next swing Toshiro threw at him, in fact no one saw it coming. The blow had launched the previously __cheery __leader to the ground and right on his ass, which instantaneously __brought a serious, pissed off expression to his face. _

_But Toshiro was too quick, he had already spun around and kicked one of the boys holding the girls' arm up in the leg, making it bend the wrong way. The boy screamed in pain and grabbed for his knee as he fell to the ground on his side and away from his captive. Toshiro wasted no time; he was by the other boy in a flash and had given a fierce kick to his stomach__ as__ he__ had been gaping__ at__ his fallen friend to his right__ which sounded yet another shriek to pierce the air. That boy also fell to the ground __which__ had released the unconscious girl to the effects of gravity as she descended upon the dirt. _

_By now all the other girls that had been watching were screaming in a high-pitched paniced yells, a couple of them were even crying in fear. The other boys that __been but__ bystanders __the entire time __stayed immobile and stunned as they continued to watch the scene unfold in front of their eyes, not one of them even thinking to help their friends or their ring leader. Toshiro had no __incentive__ to deal with any of them and went immediately to the fallen girl. _

_She was not moving and was bleeding from her head, so he lifted her by her arms and brought her up to sit on his back as he held her legs so she wouldn't fall. _

_He hadn't expected the leader to have recovered yet and didn't notice the fist headed straight for his face, it connected head on. __Toshiro lost his balance and was falling. _

No, I can't let her take another fall, _he convinced himself and moved swiftly during his descent so that he landed on one knee a couple feet from where he had taken the hit, the girl utterly unfazed by the blow. _

_He stayed __in__ that position low to the ground as he gripped the girl on his back tighter, he looked up to the leader in disdain as his eyebrows furrowed deeper on his face and his teeth gritted even more into an enraged glower. The leader felt a twinge of panic run through __him;__ it was so powerful that he had unknowingly backed up a step. _

_And a step back was __just enough to give Toshiro the escape route he desperately needed. In a blink of an eye he was up and sprinting through the gap between the __unmoving leader and his gang. He continued running a straight path, not even knowing where he was going just as long as it was far away and safe for this girl. He needed to get her help._

_At one point he had gazed back to the group of terrified kids to notice that no one was following them, but that didn't stop Toshiro; he continued to run, farther and farther away. _

More, more distance. Safe, she needs to be safe! _he demanded of himself, so he kept putting one foot in front of the other. _

_Even though he was short, he had long strides and was lighting fast, after ten minutes of running he had taken the girl at least a mile away from where they had been. He __had reached the end of the river so he climbed up the grassy slope to the sidewalk, that's when he slowed to a walk. _

_He soon found a bench and decided to lower the still unknown girl onto it so that he could take a breath and she could relax. Once she was sat down __her body began to slump __far to the side and he jumped to her so that she didn't fall, then tried to straighten her up a bit. But seeing as that didn't work he sat beside her and leaned her head against his shoulder with the arm he had wrapped around her back. _

_He sighed and began to run his fingers through her black as night hair without knowing so. __His other hand came up to wipe the sweat from his brow but then hissed in pain as he struck the spot where he had taken the leaders hit. _

_Sighing again he settled for laying his hand over his eyes as his other arm tightened __bringing__ the girl closer to him, and unknowing to him woke her up. _

_Her eyes began to blink open, her mind not yet comprehending what was going on and where she was. __She made a struggled kind of moan in her throat as she began to fully wake. Her head dug deeper into the warmth that seemed to be holding her close, then her eyes snapped open and her ever-slight movements all-together halted. _

_She backed but an inch and looked up to find the covered face of a white haired boy who had been hugging her tightly for only god knows how long. But she didn't panic, her intuition, her heart, told her not to. _

_She didn't move or try to make the boy notice that she was awake, she just watched him with her mysterious, silver eyes._

_**TBC...**_

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**ending notes:**

**4) Japanese Translations: **

fukutaicho lieutenant/co-captain  
taicho captain  
shinigami death god  
Tsukiyo moonlit night  
Shiro-chan Whitey  
gomen/gomenasai sorry

OMFG!!! DX I am so sorry it took me a while to finish this! I was actually planning to get it up much sooner, but over the weekend was my bday and i had no time! Also it was a lot longer than i thought it would be. dang.

But, it's up now and i really want to know what y'all think! So comment or make suggestions, idc! I just want some feedback and to know if people are actually reading this! Wellz, i'm off! -vanishes into thin air-

BTW, another thing that came up was how Toshiro was actually born in the soul society. yeah, i know i know! gomen! as of right now, i'm going to ignore that fact, so i'm sorry if that makes ya upset! but i had to shake loose of my boundaries! XD -laughs- but thanks for bringing that up michelley75!

now i vanish! "


End file.
